What I did first when we decided to divorce

Step one, the hardest step

It was 19 days ago when my husband and I decided we were going to divorce. I never thought in a million years that we would get to a point that we would admit to ourselves and each other that we were no longer in love.

So many things ran through my mind. See, I had been a homemaker and mother for much of our marriage. If I were to tell anyone that knew us a year ago that we were splitting up, they would have checked the calendar to see if it was April Fool's Day. It's not that we had such an amazing marriage, it was because we had become such talented actors that we even had ourselves fooled.

I cried, not for my failed marriage, but for my wasted time. So much time that I will never get back. We hadn't been in love for a long time and I could have done so much with that wasted time.

There were scary truths that had to be faced. We didn't have to worry about the custody of children. Our children are grown and living their own lives. We didn't have to worry about splitting our bank account and other assets. There really aren't any. 

We don't own a house. We each have a car. The money we had in our bank account was split evenly, as meager as it was. We discussed how to split the items in our apartment. It seemed fair to both of us.

The real first step though was to decide where we were going to live. He takes jobs overseas and is getting ready to start a new contract. So that is good for him. I did not have a job outside of the house and don't make enough on just book sales to keep the apartment we have lived in for the last three years.

I had three real options. There is my sister in my hometown. She has a whole slew of issues of her own, but she would never turn me away if I really needed to move in. There's my sister that lives on the same side of the country that I live in. But her situation is very complicated and I don't want to be a burden. 

Then there is my daughter. Her home is small, but it was definitely the better of the three choices. In five more days, I will leave our apartment to move in with her. I hope to be there for about three months then move into my own place. 

A company has already offered me a job and I hope to find a place cheap enough to live in. Deciding where to live is even harder than deciding to divorce. If you are facing the same situation, weigh the pros and cons of the places you have to choose from. 

The next step is the move and preparing for my new job. I have had angry days and sad days over the last two weeks. I would like to say I'm excited to start this next stage of life, but I'm terrified.