Dreams that make you sad

It's ok to be sad

For the last two nights, I had dreams about Gene. It's not fair that my subconscious misses his body. I don't know if it's my brain telling me to slow down and give my heart time to heal. We may have lived mostly separate lives for the last three years while he was working out of the country but my heart was still all in this marriage.

I didn't imagine it was going to hurt this much. Or maybe it's just the idea of the loss that hurts. Any time I talk to him I am reminded of why not being with him is such a good idea. I reckon I just need a good cry. It's a good way to cleanse yourself of bottled-up emotions.

I started talking to two different men this week from FB dating. One had to be blocked after just one conversation. He wanted to show me his man thong, that he was wearing. The other, well I think he is going to want to move things along a lot faster than I am ready for. I think I will take down my profile and give myself time to heal.

I will take the time to work on myself and see where this chapter will take me. I try very hard to find the positive at the end of the day. Well, the positive from this is that I know I'm not emotionally detached like Gene would like for everyone to believe.

Life truly is short and I am only halfway through, I hope. I have so much living still to do. The lesson of the day, let yourself feel what you are going to feel. Learn to love yourself no matter what others think of you. We only get one life to live and if we don't like the way things are we are the only ones that can fix it.

Going to go to work with my head held high and work out what I want for this short chapter of my life. The chapter from separated to divorced.

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Lisa's Divorce Journal

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